12 Reasons Why Dachshunds Should Be Illegal


In a world where cuteness knows no bounds, Dachshunds have emerged as the charming outlaws of the canine kingdom. These pint-sized pups may not break actual laws, but their daily antics could be deemed as ‘illegal’ due to their overwhelming adorableness. Hold onto your hearts as we unveil the 12 ‘illegal’ acts committed by these lovable rascals.

  1. Grand Heists of Socks: Dachshunds are notorious sock bandits, staging covert missions to liberate socks from unsuspecting laundry baskets. No sock is safe when these canine criminals are on the prowl.
  2. High-Speed Getaways (Zoomies): Zoomies are the Dachshund’s preferred method of escape after committing a ‘crime’ (usually involving tearing apart a squeaky toy). These high-speed chases leave living rooms in disarray, but who can resist those zigzagging antics?
  3. Blackmail with Puppy Eyes: Dachshunds have mastered the art of puppy eyes, deploying them strategically to get away with all sorts of shenanigans. From begging for treats to negotiating extra playtime, those eyes are the ultimate weapons.
  4. Undercover Burrow Operations: Digging is not just a hobby for Dachshunds; it’s a lifestyle. They conduct covert burrow operations in the backyard, creating intricate tunnels that would make any detective proud.
  5. Treat Extortion Tactics: Dachshunds are notorious treat enthusiasts. They use their charm to extort treats from unsuspecting humans, with tactics ranging from sad stares to theatrical paw lifts.
  6. Late-Night Bark-a-thons: While the world sleeps, Dachshunds engage in secret late-night bark-a-thons. Their barks, often aimed at suspicious shadows and invisible intruders, are a testament to their commitment to neighborhood watch.
  7. Epic Tug-of-War Battles with Bedding: Bedding is not just for sleeping; it’s for epic tug-of-war battles. Dachshunds engage in fierce competitions with sheets and blankets, proving that every bedtime is an opportunity for adventure.
  8. Masterful Sneak Attacks: Silent as shadows, Dachshunds are masters of sneak attacks. Whether it’s stealing a sandwich or claiming the comfiest spot on the couch, they strike with ninja-like precision.
  9. Unlawful Lap Occupation: Dachshunds have a talent for occupying laps with no regard for personal space. Once they’ve claimed their spot, they become immovable lap squatters, melting hearts with their warmth and cuteness.
  10. Illegal Cuteness Distractions: Dachshunds employ illegal levels of cuteness as distractions. When caught in the act, they turn on the charm, diverting attention away from any ‘crimes’ they may have committed.
  11. Breaking the Speed Limit on Tail Wags: Dachshunds have been known to break the speed limit on tail wags, especially when they see their favorite humans. The resulting tail-induced gusts are a small price to pay for such exuberant displays of affection.
  12. Unlicensed Snuggling Operations: Unlicensed snuggling is a common offense committed by Dachshunds. They engage in unauthorized snuggling operations, often catching their owners off guard with surprise cuddle attacks.


While Dachshunds may be guilty of committing these ‘illegal’ acts, one can’t help but forgive and adore these charming culprits. After all, their mischievous deeds are simply a part of the irresistible package that makes Dachshunds the outlaws of adorableness we can’t help but love.